It is done!

The novella is officially finished. I just wrote down the last sentence a few minutes ago. Now all that remains to do before I release it is editing and finishing the ebook cover design.

I might publish a print version too, eventually. I just need to look through different self-publication alternatives and redo the formatting first.

Anyway, I’m super thrilled I got it done. I’ve been battling my own ADHD brain like crazy in the last few weeks, so I’m extra happy that I managed to finish the last chapter of The Last Words of The Sage.


Currently working on the last chapter of the novella and seeking inspiration from the poetry of the Indian saint Kabir, who is the closest thing I have to a guru. Although he has been dead for centuries, his poetry has taught me more about the Divine and leading a spiritual life than any living person.

Also seeking some inspiration from music about Kabir. Like this song I came across today and which filled my heart with peace and silent joy:

Picked an image and not much else

Today I picked the image that will be on the book cover of my novella. And apart from the laundry, it’s all I had the focus to do today. I don’t know why but I’m reaching a breaking point when it comes to managing my ADHD without medication. Even simple tasks seem daunting and it’s taking me days to find the motivation to do things that take 5 minutes. But hopefully it’ll be better soon now that I’m getting back on Strattera. I would have to anyway since I’m planning on going back to university and there is no way I’d manage without meds. I tried once and ended up with a massive burnout, so I’m not doing that again.

I’m looking forward to sharing with you both the cover and the book once it’s done. Can’t say exactly what day that will be since my brain is refusing to cooperate with my wishes at the moment. But I’d say hopefully within the next month. In April at the latest.


I just had a great week-end visiting my family I hadn’t seen in a while. Also got to see the cats and meet the new one:


Now awaits a uncertain week. I got laid off my job last Wednesday and I’m awaiting a phone call from the company I worked for before to see if they will rehire me and what job they might give me. I’m getting a bit tired of never knowing what I’ll be working with but that’s the reality of labour hire companies.

I’ll be applying to university next month so hopefully I won’t have to put up with it much longer.

Why is YouTube helping the spread of fascist propaganda in Sweden?

For a while now, I and many others in Sweden have been spammed with content from a new alt-right channel every time we get on YouTube. I’ve clicked ‘hide this ad’ every single time and checked in that I don’t want to see this channel in my suggestions anymore. To no avail. Time and time again I am met with fascist hate speech when I get on YouTube. It’s gotten to the point where I avoid using the website at all.

The channel, called ‘Riks’, is a propaganda channel for the fascist Sweden Democrats. And yes, despite their protest to the contrary, the Sweden Democrats are in fact a fascist party born out of the white power movement active in the early 90’s and was founded by Nazis, including a former SS-soldier. Please don’t assume I’m one to through words like ‘Nazi’ and ‘fascist’ around for dramatic effect. SD was and is a fascist party. They just decided to switch their skinhead outfits for suits and tone down their hate propaganda, hoping that it would make them more palatable for the average Swedish voters.

Unfortunately, their plan worked and they are now the third largest party in the country. They have used that power to fight against human rights and spread more hate. Their mask of respectability and ‘democracy’ is a slippery one that often falls off to reveal the party’s true fascist nature. Whether they’re claiming national minorities like Jews and Samis can’t be counted as Swedes, voting in favour of forcibly sterilizing trans people or supporting the terrorist violence of the January 6th capitol attacks, their politicians always eventually show the true intents of the Sweden ‘Democrats’.

(There are far more examples than the three I mentioned but that would be like listing every single lie Donald Trump has ever told and I just don’t have the time to sit and write a post for a week straight.)

Now, I already know that SD is a dangerous shit party. But what I want to know is: why is YouTube helping them spread their lies?

And please don’t say ‘free speech’. This isn’t a free speech issue. I’m not saying Sweden Democrats should be arrested or prosecuted by the state for their opinions, even if their opinions is evil garbage. Free speech means you are allowed to express your opinions without legal persecution. It doesn’t mean you have a fundamental human right to have a private company publish your ads. YouTube is under no legal obligation to help spread SD propaganda. But they do.

So, why exactly is YouTube prioritising ad money over the experience of their users? Why do they care more about ad money than the experience of LGBTQ+ people and people of colour who have to get on the website and see lies from people who hate them? I’ve tried to contact YouTube to find out but it turns out it’s a lot harder to contact them than I thought. I also suspect they wouldn’t care about some average Joe’s opinion.

Hopefully more people will speak up about this issue and demand an explanation from YouTube. If it starts to negatively affect their brand, maybe they’ll start giving a shit.

At the feet of Týr

I lay and sleept for an hour beneath the Tiwaz tree
My body was tired and my soul weary
I’d searched for you everywhere but I could not find You
Where had You gone from me, Beloved?
I heard it whispered that You were searching for me too.
So, I removed the clothing of my soul and lay down beneath the Tiwaz tree.
What this means, only You and I know.

I have not been brave often,
Dogs and heights and the radiance in a woman’s smile have all made me weak, made me tremble,
I’ve felt like a child kneeling by Týr’s feet and I wished to be like one who fears not even the fangs of Fenrisúlfr.
‘I am not brave’, I told You, ‘I am full of fear’.
But still I lay down beneath the Tiwaz tree and I let You come to me.
I saw You there finally, cloaked in black and whispering to me from behind the trunk.
‘Here is a secret’, You said, ‘That even Týr trembled slightly when He put His arm in the mouth of Fenrir, that even the most courageous of Gods has felt for a moment the icy wind of fear. How could He be called brave if He knew not worry? Do not say you cannot be courageous because you are afraid, for he who has no fear to overcome can never be brave.’

A short update

I was planning on posting a short update yesterday since I had the day before made a cryptic post saying something very special was about to happen. But when I came home yesterday evening I fell asleep as soon as I lied down in my bed and closed my eyes ‘just for a few minutes’. Spending 4 hours in a tattoo chair can be pretty exhausting even if the pain, to my surprise, really wasn’t that bad.

The tattoo I got yesterday was my first and one I’ve wanted to have done since last spring. I’ve just had a little trouble making up my mind on the design. The meaning of the piece is deeply important to me so I really wanted it to be just right.

The tattoo is going to need healing for a while and then I have to go through another sitting before it’s done. So, no pic yet. But I have to say, I love how it looks so far and I think the end product will be awesome.

What the tattoo is and what it means will be revealed once it is all done.

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